Leeds, Liverpool and Man United Fan

Waste=Liverpool, Manchester City, Leeds United...Erk Leeds, do they play in the EPL? A Leeds Fan, a Liverpool fan and a Man u fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Leeds fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Leeds fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done. The scouser was next up and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my dress" But even two pillows & 1 dress could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again. The Manc was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs and restaurants in Europe, your city and football team is known throughout the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The manc replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks. "Please tie the Scouser to my back." _________________________________________ Finally, Leeds United manage to get new sponsor. Hmm. It's written there already :O. Safe Hands? Liverpool players after their CL exit in 2006. (with all respect to Buddhists) To find out when was the last time Manchester City won their trophy: Click Here. References: jokefile.co.uk

New Wembley: Lots of Toilets

Finally, the truth emerges. The new improved Wembley is later than John Inman for one reason: the Aussie chancers who have spent the last 34 years building our new national stadium have had to install 2,618 toilets (although the vast swathes set aside for executive suites probably took a bit of time to knock together too). But even the amount of dung flowing through that sphincter-boggling amount of Royal Doulton pales into insignificance compared to today's rubbish. First up, we have the news that Cristiano Ronaldo is demanding a figure roughly similar to the cost of the new Wembley in return for his continued presence in Salford. He wants £120,000 a week and, possibly, the home phone numbers of the entire female cast of Hollyoaks (the ones over 16, mind) before he'll even consider scrawling his name on some Old Trafford stationery. Once Lord Ferg has settled that deal, he'll turn his attention to snaffling Aldo Duscher, the man who knacked David Beckham's metatarsal before the 2002 World Cup. Ronaldo does things I have never seen anybody do, says Charlton Sir Alex Ferguson confirmed yesterday that contract negotiations with Cristiano Ronaldo were proceeding according to plan on the day the Portuguese winger received arguably the most glowing tribute yet. Sir Bobby Charlton, a Manchester United director and ideally qualified to discuss the quality of footballers to have played for the club over the past half-century, described the 22-year-old as possessing abilities he has not seen before, no mean praise from a former player who enjoyed his best years alongside the likes of George Best and Denis Law. "Ronaldo has just been fantastic," said Charlton. "It takes great players to grab the bull by the horns and lift people and he has been doing that recently. He does things I have never seen anybody else do. And he is as tough as hell. If you clatter him it doesn't bother him too much, he'll carry on. His goal at Fulham was just marvellous and I think he has been a better player than even people here realise." football.guardian

Manchester United Jokes

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps? A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on. Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison? A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out. Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway? A: Depends how thin you slice them. Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan? A: A dope carrier. It's just a joke, btw...:O

Quick Facts about Manchester United

Nickname: The Red Devils - others might call Fans the 'Glory Hunters' Manager: Sir Alex Ferguson - The World's Greatest Manager ™ Ground: Old Trafford - The Theatre of Dreams. Key Players: Rooney, Ronaldo, Giggs, Scholes. Interesting: One of the richest club in the world. Redefined the meaning of Great Escape in 1999 by winning the European Cup. Former famous players include George Best, Bobby Charlton, Eric Cantona (The King, Kung Fu Cantona)